I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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