there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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