The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm bleeding and have questions
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
