Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
