I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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