so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
