You just made me feel so damn special
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
