You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
