I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you traded sex for a burrito?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
