well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
