So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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