if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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