he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
