When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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