i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
