brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
