i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
