Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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