i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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