the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
