well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
