so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
