Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
