I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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