K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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