Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
