How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
