Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
