Welp...herpes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
