Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
