you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
