At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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