i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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