it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
