yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
