You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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