just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
