I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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