We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
