Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
