dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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