hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
