I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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