Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
