so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
