so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
