is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Bring me that man meat
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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