I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
