Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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