Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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