We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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