remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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