I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
