Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
