why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
